Close Encounters of the Chuck Kind - Year 1This is a record of all the ways Chuck has contacted me since I lost him
on September 4, 2002. The most recent contacts are at the top, so if you
are new to this journal, read it bottom's up!
Things to look for as a Chuck Encounter!
Year 2: Chuck continues to amaze and comfort us (Sept 4, 2003 - Sept 3, 2004)
|Wed Sep 3 2003||I Will Take Your Advice||Steely Dan song presented itself this morning on the radio. "I did not think the girl could be so cruel, and I'm never going back to my old school." Then Elton John "I'm a bitch I'm a bitch, the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact...
I'm better than you." Then I hit the snooze and had a talk with Chuck. He seemed to still be upset with me. I told him he was right about me not going on-line to those sites. I told him he is always right and I will take his advice as long as I can understand what he wants me to do.
I'm sure Chuck listened to me. The next song on the radio was a Beatles song, Getting Better. "It's getting better since you've been mine." Last was a sad Guess Who song, These Eyes. Chuck had sent this one to me before. "These eyes cry every night over you...These arms long to hold you again."
|Tue Sep 2 2003||No Sugar||Beach Boys song came on to wake me up. "Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a happenin' with her." Then was the Guess Who, No Sugar Tonight. "Lonely feeling, deep inside. Find a corner where I can hide...No sugar to stand beside me. No sugar to run with me."|
|Mon Sep 1 2003||Month of Zlurp||I started working on Zlurp this evening, and my monitor was creaking off and on the whole time. It seemed like Chuck was encouraging me. :-)|
|Mon Sep 1 2003||Snippet||Had a snippet of a dream. Briefly saw Chuck kneeling in front of a girl sitting in an airport waiting-at-the-gate kind of chair. She was young, reddish brown medium length hair. Looked kind of sad and thoughtful. Chuck was wearing his vette
shirt I gave him and jeans. He looked like he did in the pics I was recently scanning in from 1999. He had a sad little smile on his face. He seemed to be counselling her, trying to make her feel better. He was concerned about her. Then my level of sleep shifted - I woke up slightly, and the dream was gone.
Radio went off, and I was treated to "Let me stand next to your fire." Hendrix.
In life Chuck would do anything to help people, even if he didn't know them. Many times he stopped to help guys with broken down bikes. If he knew you, he would go to great lengths to help you if you needed it. I'm sure he is doing the same in heaven. He has the kindest heart.
|Sun Aug 31 2003||96 Tears||96 Tears was on the radio. I think this song was in response to yesterday. "I'm going to cry 96 tears..." Then a Van Morrison song "Baby please don't go, baby please don't go." Chuck absolutely does not like the thought of me considering being with someone else.|
|Sat Aug 30 2003||Monitor Talk||Had a conversation with my monitor this evening. I was poking around on one of those singles sites, just checking it out, and my monitor started creaking away. (not the one I was on cause I surf on my powerbook!)
It actually sounded angry to me. So I guessed that Chuck didn't like me looking on that site. I told him that nobody could ever replace him, that I didn't want to replace him, that I loved him. And I wouldn't mess around on that site if he didn't want me to. Monitor stayed quiet. There were like 2 screens left I wanted to look at
and then I was leaving the site. When I clicked on the next screen, the monitor started creaking at me again, like hey you said you wouldn't go there. So I said ok, you don't like this and quit out.
I think Chuck is struggling with what I'm going to do with myself. He sends me messages about me moving on, but he really doesn't want me to. When I actually stuck the tip of my toe in to test the waters, he freaked out. At least that's how it felt to me.
|Thu Aug 28 2003||I May Be Crazy||Black Magic Woman was on the radio first thing this morning. "Got your spell on my baby. I need you so bad." Then was a Billy Joel song, You May Be Right. At first I smiled that it was Billy Joel cause Chuck doesn't like him. But as I listened I realized that it was really one of those songs Chuck could sing to me word for word. "You may be right, I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."|
|Wed Aug 27 2003||I Can Dream About You||Had a wonderful Chuck dream this morning. Started off I was dreaming about visiting times on this calendar. I would touch the entry and go there. I touched this entry about the car of the future and found myself by this sleek black 4 door car.
I had a hose in my hand that was spraying out oil and didn't know where to put it. I whirled around and sprayed oil over everything. I finally just dropped it to go look at the car. It was really cool. There was a sign next to it that said it was 2075, so I was in the future!
I got into the passenger side and thought it reminded me of my Honda and Chuck would really like it. Then Chuck got into the driver's seat. I was really happy to see him and gave him a hug. He was all bundled up in a coat and had a pretty bushy beard going this time like the framed pic I have of him driving.
He started up the car and took off like usual, a bit too fast. I just got the words out of my mouth that he better be careful when he hit a patch of ice as he turned onto the road. We went spinning around, down the embankment, into a bunch of woods. We were both laughing and laughing. The car came to rest and we could see other cars in the ditch with us. Chuck said, "See I wasn't the only one." I said soothingly, that's right. Car started right up and Chuck drove it up and back on the road.
Suddenly we were inside somewhere, on my old sectional sofa. Chuck was much thinner and had no beard. I told him he was getting skinny. We were chatting and he kept turning into one of the sofa cushions, but with his face coming out of the rounded edge. He didn't seem to notice when this happened. Mark Ritchie was there too. We all had a fun conversation, but I don't remember what it was about. I would go close to Chuck and brush my hand on his cheek and smile.
His voice sounded a lot like his brother Joe's to me and I told him he sounded like Joey. He said it must have been the pill he took - he was fighting off a cold. I said yeah, that must be it, but I was sadly thinking it's probably because I'm forgetting the sound of your voice.
Then we were playing a game of blowing these snowflake looking seeds at eachother. They were floating in the air and Chuck would blow them at me. They would come drifting over and I would blow them back. I was laughing cause I had more lung power and they would be right on top of him before he could blow them back. He got a little annoyed that I was winning the battle and jumped up to hide down some steps to let the snowflakes miss him. Then he came back and I woke up.
Radio came on later with "Keep on rolling." Over and over, at the end of the song. Chuck giving me encouragement to keep going?
|Tue Aug 26 2003||Watching the Wheels||"I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round." John Lennon singing to me from the radio. Then was the Jefferson Airplaine sing, Somebody to Love. Chuck has sent that one my way a lot. I still am not sure why.
More bathroom thoughts today as well. "Set me free why don't you babe?" I got upset at that and sang back to Chuck "I'm lost without your love. Life without you isn't worth the trouble of. I'm as helpless as a ship with out a wheel, a touch without a feel, and I can't believe it's real." Chuck had sent this to me before, and it's stuck with me.
|Mon Aug 25 2003||More Than A Feeling||Boston was on when the radio went on. "Dream of a girl I used to know. I closed my eyes and she slipped away...More than a feeling, when I hear those old songs played again." Then I hit the snooze.
Stones song, Wild Horses was on after the snooze. "Wild horses couldn't drag me away." SNOOZE!
Then the Guess Who, Laughing, which is a very sad song. "I go alone now, calling your name...Time goes slowly, but carries on, And now the best years, the best years have come and gone". This one made me cry.
I also had some lyric thoughts in the bathroom getting ready for work. "Where is the love?" Then "When will I see you again?" Definitely sadness this morning all around. :-( I will say that the Boston song seemed to be reinforcing that Chuck is telling me things via the radio.
|Sat Aug 23 2003||Day Tripper||Radio woke me with a Beatles song, Day Tripper. I think this was just a nod to being the Beatles and not to take this one literally. Thank you for the Beatles Chuck! :-)|
|Fri Aug 22 2003||If I Needed Someone||In the shower I had a song pop into my mind. Nice Beatles song, If I Needed Someone. "If I needed someone to love, you're the one that I'd be thinking of, if I needed someone."|
|Thu Aug 21 2003||Button Up Your Overcoat||Had a whole set of songs on the radio today. First was ELP, From the Beginning. "It's all clear, you were meant to be here, from the beginning." I know Chuck wants me to be with him.
Then was Kind of a Drag. "Girl I still love you. I'll always love you. Anyway. Anyway." Of course the song is all about "her cheating on him", but I hope Chuck intends me to focus on the loving part! I never cheated on him!
Next was a Beatles song, You Can't Do That. Another one about cheating. I don't know how Chuck could possibly want me to take this one literally...
As I was getting ready for work I had 2 songs pop in at me one after the other. First "How can I be sure in a world that's constantly changing? How can I be sure where I stand with you?" Then "Button up your overcoat when the wind blows free. Take good care of yourself, you belong to me." Chuck is bouncing all over this morning. He seems confused, but he still cares.
|Wed Aug 20 2003||Do You Know||Had a lyric burst into my mind while I was in the bathroom this morning. "Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?" No Chuck, I don't like what life has been showing me lately, and no, I don't know where I'm going. I guess this is a suggestion that I should think about some things!|
|Mon Aug 18 2003||Closer to My Home||Radio came on at the very end of this song. Kept hearing over and over "I'm getting closer to my home". Wonder if that means that Chuck is making progress in heaven.|
|Sun Aug 17 2003||Landslide||Woke up before the radio and told Chuck over and over how much I miss him. First song I heard was Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. Chuck played the same song for me on 6-19. This one means a lot to me.|
|Fri Aug 15 2003||Queen Paul||A lyric thought popped into my head right when I woke up. "I'm lost without your love. Life without you isn't worth the trouble of. I'm as helpless as a ship without a wheel, a touch without a feel, and I can't believe it's real." This has haunted me since I thought it. I really can't believe all this is real.
Off goes the radio, and first thing I hear is Paul's Listen to What the Man Said. "Love is blind for all we know, for all we know our love will grow." Then I did the snooze thing. After that Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody was on. "I see a little silhouetto of a man..." "I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me..." "Will you let me go? No no no no no no!" This is what jumped out at me from that song. When I saw Chuck in the bedroom he was basically a silhouette. It sounds like Chuck is feeling sorry for himself this morning. Why shouldn't we still feel sad in heaven? Most likely we will leave people behind that we don't want to leave.
|Wed Aug 13 2003||Stones||There was a Rolling Stones song on when the radio went on this morning. It was Bitch. Sorta romantic? ;-)|
|Mon Aug 11 2003||Nobody||Song lyric popped into my mind - "Nobody can do the shake like I do, nobody can do the boogaloo like I do. Nobody. Nobody." :-)
Well, Chuck doesn't have to tell me how unique he is. I already know.
|Sat Aug 9 2003||Snoozeriffic||Well I hit the snooze a bunch of times this morning! To start it all off, Sweet Home Alabama was on..."Lord I'm coming home to you." Then SNOOZE!
Beatles song was on, She's So Heavy. "I want you. I want you so bad. I want you. I want you so bad it's driving me mad, it's driving me mad." And SNOOZE!
Then there was a Stones song, Mother's Little Helper. The Beatles/Stones combo really makes me feel Chuck is there. Once again SNOOZE!
"Anything you want, you got it." Roy Orbison. Then "So tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of waiting for you. I was a lonely soul, I had nobody till I met you." The Kinks. And a James Taylor song, Fire and Rain. "I always thought that I'd see you again."
Chuck feels very scattered this morning. Not focused. In the bathroom getting ready I had a lyric pop into my mind - "That's how much I feel, feel for you baby. That's how much I need, I need your touch."
|Fri Aug 8 2003||Pushing Too Hard||First lyric I heard on my radio this morning was "Pushing too hard. Pushing too hard." Over and over. Was the end of the song. I think Chuck was telling me to ease up. I've been working very hard with therapy, and yesterday I actually hurt myself, pulled a muscle in my leg.
Hit the snooze...Then I heard the end of Running Against the Wind. Sounds like another comment about me working myself too hard.
Next was the Zombies song She's Not There. Chuck played that one for me last on 6-23. Last was a Beatles song, Revolution. "You know it's going to be alright." Thank you Chuck for the encouragement!
|Wed Aug 6 2003||Cardinal Revisited||I was just getting started driving in to work, on Darrell road. I saw this bright bit of red in a tree on the right side of the road. As I got closer I could see the cardinal, and it looked like he was looking in my direction. Suddenly he flew right across the road, but swerved in towards my windshield. I yanked my foot off the gas to slow down, and the bird swerved away again and flew off. Then I remembered that a couple of weeks before, I was driving to my Mom's and the same thing happened. That time was on Barrington road, and it was a female cardinal. Chuck definitely got my attention with those swooping birds!
Right after the bird flew off the next thing I heard on the radio was an Ozzy lyric - "I don't have the answers". Almost every morning I ask Chuck questions about how he is, what he's doing, what it's like in heaven, how can we communicate better. Maybe Chuck was telling me that he can't answer my questions.
|Wed Aug 6 2003||Monitor||My computer monitor was creaking very loudly over and over 3 or 4 times. It woke me up. I said hi to Chuck and looked over at the corner by the monitor, but didn't see him.|
|Tue Aug 5 2003||Hall & Oates Morning||Getting ready for work, and had lyrics coming to me one after another. First was from Sara Smile - "When you feel cold, I'll warm you. And when you feel you can't go on, I'll come and hold you. It's you...and me forever." Then I thought "You're out of touch, I'm out of time. But I'm out of my head when you're not around." I find it so funny that Chuck nudged these at me. As far as I know, he couldn't stand Hall & Oates. :-)|
|Fri Aug 1 2003||Someday||The first phrase I heard this morning from the radio was "Someday lady you'll accompany me." Yes I will Chuck.|
|Thu Jul 31 2003||NIN||Chuck gave me a typical (for him!) birthday thought this morning...NIN song lyrics "Get down, make love". He really loved that band! When I was working on the video games for Touch-IT and needed a sample MPG movie, he got me a NIN video. We must have watched it a few hundred times during design and test of that game. :-)|
|Wed Jul 30 2003||Eventful morning!||Had a long Chuck dream this morning. At first, I thought the guy in my dream was Nicholas Cage of all people. Then he turned into Chuck! Chuck liked Cage a lot, so it's no big surprise he might want to try looking like him on occasion! ;-)
I had the feeling in my dream that Chuck had been gone for a long time and I didn't know when I'd see him again. Then he came up to me and we laughed and hugged and he was talking a mile a minute about what he was doing. Something about they were giving them houses to fix up and once the houses were fixed they could do what they wanted with them. He had been gone with an acting troop of some kind. He laughed and told me he had been puttying for months. I said you're turning the houses into theaters then? He smiled.
At one point we were driving in a convertible, laughing, wind blowing our hair. Then we were laying down on a blanket in the grass next to the convertible. Sunshine, beautiful day. We were laying next to eachother cuddling and talking. Next thing I knew I was giving him a back rub. He had taken his shirt off and he was actually kind of skinny. I told him man you lost a lot of weight! Then I noticed there was a ton of stuff tattooed on his back - words, signatures, series of numbers, letters from people. I got really sad cause this meant someone was messing around with him while he was gone. Like he hadn't been faithful. I wanted to ask him about it, who had done it. But I didn't really want to know the answer. So at that point I was very sad.
Then Chuck started talking about his plans for the future. He had a brilliant idea, and it was time for us to leave I.T. We wouldn't have to work for anyone alse ever again. That cheered me up because he was including me in his plans. I gave him a big hug and he spun me around laughing like he used to in the kitchen.
Then we were at a restaurant, going to sit down and eat with a bunch of people who hadn't seen him in a while. He sat down all happy and grinning. There was no room left at the table, so I had to sit at another table. I was so unhappy I almost cried. He didn't care enough that I wasn't by him. Then Chuck switched places with a guy so he could sit next to me even though we were at different tables. I was still very sad cause he didn't care enough to make sure there was room for me first.
That was a long involved dream, and I'm sure I left out stuff cause I couldn't write it all down fast enough when I woke up! Something interesting...the next day Dave G. loaned me a movie, Memento. The main character has tattoos all over himself to remind him of things - names, numbers, phrases. I didn't put it together with this dream until after I watched the movie a few days later. I think I will have to watch it again more closely. Maybe there's something in it Chuck wants me to pay attention to!
When the radio came on, I was treated to a Beatles song, We Can Work It Out. Then an Elton song that said "Lately I've been thinking how much I miss my lady".
The dream and the Beatles song made me think - are we still the same in heaven, can we still hurt eachother? I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. The monitor in the corner started creaking a bunch of times, so I walked over to it. I felt a little of the "communication tingle" so I thought maybe Chuck is there right now. Maybe he felt bad that he upset me in that dream. I held my arms out to him so if he was there he could hug me even if I couldn't feel it. I looked at the monitor screen in case I could see him in it, but it was just a reflection of the room.
Then on the way to work, Tommy and I were on Dundee right by rt 53 and I saw a produce truck...Chuck McRae! Big bold CHUCK. :-) I smiled at that. Chuck spent a lot of time with me this morning!
|Mon Jul 28 2003||I'm Calling||Started the day with a song playing in my mind. Steve Miller song - "In the wintertime, when all the leaves are brown, and the wind blows, so chill, and the birds have all flown for the summer, I'm calling, hear me calling , hear me calling." I've loved this song. The melody is very haunting. Maybe Chuck is telling me that something will be happening this winter.
Alarm went off, and the very end of an Elton song was on - "Harmony, Harmony, Harmony" over and over. Another peaceful sentiment. I hit the snooze.
Next was a BTO song - "Would you cry if I told you I had lied, and would you say goodbye, or would you let it ride?" Chuck already knows the answer to that. I cried, said goodbye and then let it ride. So I guess I did all of the above! ;-)
After that was Pete Townsend's Let My Love Open the Door. "Did my love open the door to your heart?" "Only one thing gonna set you free, that's my love."
Lastly Joe Cocker - "You feeling alright? I'm not feeling too good myself." Chuck doesn't seem that happy this morning.
|Sun Jul 27 2003||You Can Count On Me||Had a lyric pop into my head when I first woke up..."I love you, you know I do, you love me too...You can count on me, you can count on me." Was that same Chicago song that Chuck played on 7-25. I like that one a lot.|
|Sat Jul 26 2003||Hey You|